The past few days have been especially emotional. I am lucky to make it an hour without crying about something relating to Evan or this awful new life we are living. Yesterday, Nate decided to convert some the last video of Evan onto DVD. Until now it has been way to difficult to watch these home movies. I thought to myself, I want so badly just to hear his little voice again.
We started watching some of the videos from when he was around two. He was just so small and so sweet. I had forgotten how cute his little voice was! We then watched video from last Christmas. I never would have imagined that it would be our last Christmas with him. Little did I know that we only have five months left. We also watched his sixth and last birthday. Evan was six years old! He had become this handsome, happy, grateful child! Then, I only had days left with him until he became an angel. This was one of the last pictures ever taken.
Watching the videos was incredibly gut-wrenching, but worth every last minute. The entire time I kept thinking of how cheated we are not to have him here on earth. We don't get another Christmas or another birthday. Our reality is pictures, videos, and memories. That is all we have left of our precious little boy. If I could write a book, it would be titled "5 Minutes". I would give anything in the world to just have 5 more minutes with Evan. I would just love to hear him, to touch him, and hold him one more time. Please God, just 5 minutes?
I am happily married to my high school sweetheart, Nathan. We have two wonderful little boys, one who now lives in heaven. On May 31st, we found Evan in his bed already with the angels. He was classified SUDC (Sudden Unexplained Death In Childhood) We have recently learned that Evan may have suffocated due to complications from having croup.I know that God has a plan in all of this. I just have to trust!