Saturday, January 29, 2011

Journey Through Faith

Do you ever just want to shout to the top of your lungs about something you're so passionate about? In this blog I spend a great deal of time talking about Evan and how his devastating loss has impacted our lives in many ways. Sometimes I forget to focus on how much God has truly made an impact in our lives as well as others through our story. I know that I make mention here and there, but I need to remember and convey to others that God is the reason we continue on the way we do.

Lately it seems that other people around me have shared how losing Evan has made a difference in their lives. I often live in my own, dark, cold, world of grief and despair that I sometimes fail to recognize the impact we have on others. I want so desperately to know that Evan is still working and making a difference from Heaven.

A few weeks ago a VERY dear friend of mine and her husband were baptized! I cannot tell you enough how this touched my life! Evan's passing was a big part in her journey to Christ as she searched for healing and understanding by leaning on the Lord. I am so blessed to have such an awesome friend and to know that Evan took part in leading her down her spiritual path which led to a relationship with Jesus Christ. I am so honored to have been a part of this!

It has been more than two and a half years since Evan passed away. By the grace of God we grow stronger each day. Lately it has been on my mind to tell people how God has worked in our lives after Evan's death. In those first few terrifying months God was so close we could almost reach out and touch him! He was right by our side understanding our pain and grieving right along with us. Our stories are endless. I am so blessed to have such a loving God watching out for me as I am truly so undeserving. I just want to show everyone the power of God's influence in our life and that we are living proof that He is also a faithful God. God doesn't promise us a life of constant glory, but He does promise to walk beside us and carry us through the darkest of times.

I can see God's hand in areas of my life many years ago that were steps in preparing me for the tragedy we have endured. God knew that Nathan and I were going to lose Evan before he was even born. I found Christ through having Evan and thus began the journey to faith that would be tested to enormous strengths. God put people in our lives that He knew would help in the midst of darkness. We found out that we were pregnant with Evan on a Sunday morning. Nate and I looked at each other in excitement and we headed off to church for the first time. Yes! The day we found out that Evan was coming began our journey of faith. I could seriously go on and on....

People often tell me how strong I am. I know that I have mentioned this before but I am not strong at all. God provides me with the strength I need and I owe everything to Him. I want to make more out of Evan's death. I especially want non-believers to hear our story of loss and faith so that maybe they will be impacted to seek a relationship with Christ. I want people to hear how God has worked in or lives! I need for Evan's death to have a spiritual purpose.

I firmly believe everything that happens in life is just a part of God's bigger plan. I certainly don't understand is all and some things I know that I am not meant to know. I just have to have faith and trust that God will guide me down the path set for me.

In this you greatly rejoice, and then now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire may prove genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 1 Peter 1:6-7 (NIV)

Thursday, January 20, 2011

1st Birthday

Call me a lazy blogger! It has been more than a month since I last blogged. The holidays are pretty challenging to get through and rec-coup time was much needed. The month of January has proven to be a crazy, busy month as well.

January 19th was Chase's first birthday! I cannot believe that this year has gone by so fast. I love this little boy more than words can express and his little personality is blossoming by the day. He is such a sweet little guy and has brought so much hope back to Nate and I. He has a little sparkle in his eyes that remind us so much of Evan. Not to mention he looks so much like him as well. Noah is head over heals in love with him and literally cherishes every moment with him. Each morning Noah climbs into the crib and cuddles with him. Nate and I love to lay in bed and listen to the giggles and laughs over the monitor. Evan used to do the same thing when Noah was a baby. It is so awesome to see these two amazing little boys grow closer and closer each day. I just pray that they keep this loving relationship. I am just so incredibly grateful to have these two awesome little boys here on earth that keep us going each day.

Anyway Chase's birthday was very hard. In general birthdays are such a struggle for me. While I am so grateful that one of my children is another year older, I just can't help to think the worst thoughts. How many birthdays will we get with our little ones? I can only pray that we have MANY more!

Here is our little cake-covered munchkin...

"While we try and teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about."