Sunday, September 6, 2009

What Is Normal?

Another mom in our SUDC online support group posted this. It is so true in the lives of all of us who have lost our precious children...

What is normal now?

NORMAL is trying to decide what to take to the cemetery for Christmas, birthdays, Valentine's day and Easter.

NORMAL is feeling like you know how to act and are more comfortable with a funeral than a wedding or a birthday party. Yet, feeling a stab of pain in your heart when you smell the flowers, see the casket, and all the crying people.

NORMAL is feeling like you can't sit through another minute without screaming because you just don't like to sit through church anymore. And yet at the same time feeling like you have more faith in God than you ever had before.

NORMAL is having tears waiting behind every smile when you realize someone important is missing from all the important events in your family’s life.

NORMAL is not sleeping because a thousand "what ifs" go through your head constantly.

NORMAL is having the TV on the minute you walk into the house to have some "noise" because the silence is deafening.

NORMAL is telling the story of your child's death as if it were an everyday common event and then gasping in horror at how awful it sounds. And yet realizing it has become part of normal conversation.

NORMAL is each year coming up with the difficult task of how to honour your child's memory and their birthday and surviving those days. And trying to find a balloon or flag that fits the occasion, "Happy Birthday"? Not really!

NORMAL is a new friendship with another bereaved parent and meeting over coffee and talking and crying together over your children and worrying together over the surviving children.

NORMAL is being too tired to care if you paid your bills, cleaned your house, did the laundry or if there is food in the house.

NORMAL is wondering this time whether you are going to say you have 4 or 5 children because you will never see this person again, and is it worth explaining that one of them has passed away. And yet, when you say 4 children to avoid the problem you feel horrible as if you have betrayed your child.

NORMAL is hiding all the things that have become "normal" for you to feel, so that everyone around you will think you are "NORMAL".


Kim Living Life said...

how sad and how true. This poor woman I feel for her. Alicia is doing some of the very same things. She often says she ismore comfortable talking about the facts of Lucas's passing and disease that talking about Lucas. That makes me sad for her because her little boy was so much more than just a liver disease. He was beautiful, cute, cuddly, sweet and so much more. Hope you are continuing to move forward in whatever way is normal for you.

Jessica said...

Can I borrow this and post it? It is so true-except the number of children for me I always say that I have a child but the question for me becomes do I say she is 4 and 1/2 or she would be 4 and 1/2. THat is the tough one-some people do not even pick up on the language amazingly enough.
I miss talking to you.

"While we try and teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about."