Baby Steps Forward...

I am blaming my lack of blogging on having a new baby. My days are certainly kept busy with the wonderful tasks of motherhood. I am loving every bit of it including the poopy diapers. I am just so thankful!

Anyway, my anxiety level has remained low and I am thanking God every step of the way. I have tried not to worry about everything that I think may go wrong and it has taken a lot of effort on my part.

This past week Nathan and I accomplished something big! We managed to get Noah to sleep in his own room again. For most people this would not mean much, but for parents who sit and watch their children sleep for fear of them dying, this is a huge step forward. I have done a lot of praying and I am coming to terms with the fact that I ultimately have little or no control over what happens. I can do my best to protect my children, but in the end God is in control. And, I must say that the first night I only made one trip down the hallway into Noah's room! I was so proud of myself! Since then some nights have been better than others, but nonetheless, it is a start. Noah was happy to be sleeping in his own room again. I realized just how much we all needed this to happen.

Chase sleeps with an Angelcare monitor under his crib mattress. It detects his level of breathing and an alarm will sound if there is no movement detected. This has given me a great deal of security at night. We have the option to use one for Noah, but we chose not to because he would have to learn to turn it off every time he gets out of bed. This would be a harsh reminder that his big brother died in his sleep. I don't want to put that fear in him. This is where I have to trust.