Poem

I will lend to you, for a little time, A child of mine He said
For you to love the while he lives, and mourn for when he's dead.
It may be six or seven years, or twenty-two or three,
But will you, till I call him back take care of him for me?
He'll bring you his charms to gladden you, and should his stay be brief
You'll have his lovely memories, as solace for your grief
I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return
But there are lessons taught down there, I want this child to learn.
I have looked the wide world over, in search of teachers true
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes, I have selected you.
Now will you give him all your love, nor think the labor vain
Nor hate Me when I come, to take him home again?"
Dear Lord", Thy will be done
For all the joys this child shall bring,the risks of grief we'll run
We'll shelter him with tenderness,we'll love him while we may
And for the happiness we've known, forever grateful stay
But should the angels call for him, much sooner than we planned
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand.

Sent From Heaven!

I just had to post this photo of the rainbow we saw this evening. Today is Evan's birthday and this was such a special surprise! I know that I have shared pictures of our rainbows before. It seems that on special occasions such as holidays or vacations we see a rainbow. We saw our first one that day we buried Evan. They seem to pop up occasionally. I think this is Evan's way of telling us that he is okay. Happy Birthday my sweet angel!!!

I will post pics of the balloon release tomorrow...

May

Evan's 8th birthday is on Monday. Each day is getting harder and harder. I should be scrambling around like a fool making plans for his party. Instead I am gathering items that I want to take to the cemetery to decorate his headstone.

Every year the month of May was always our favorite. Spring was here and the weather was usually nice. Evan's birthday was on the 24th and we all could not wait for summer. I used to love the smell of the blooming flowers and the sound of birds chirping on the cool sunny mornings. Nate and I would spend days getting the yard ready for a party. Now all these things are just a painful reminder of the tragedy in our lives and how we are changed forever.

I miss watching Evan get more and more excited as each day got closer. I miss how grateful he was to get presents and how everything always revolved around Superheros. Now each year his birthday will come and go and in our minds he will always be 6. Nate recently mentioned that we need to go and get him a present. This is when I just want to sit and cry...



Evan's aunt posted this on my facebook page this morning. Sometimes it is the little things that help me get through the day.


I know how much you love me as much as I love you, and each time that you think of me I know you'll miss me too, but when tomorrow starts without me please try understand that a angel came and called my name, and took me by the hand and said my place was ready in heaven far above, and that I'd have to leave behind all those I love. Don't think we're far apart. For everytime you think of me I'm right here in your Heart. Mom I'll always be your sweet little angel in Heaven! "Happy Birthday Evan"

Thanks Connie for brightening my day!

Happy Mother's Day

This is the Cherry Tree that Nate, Noah, and I planted one year ago today in honor of Evan. It is absolutely beautiful and has blossomed so well!

As for today it is just another day without Evan. People are always concerned about how we do around any holiday, but everyday is hard just in different ways. We have found that the days leading up to are usually harder. The month of May is especially hard as his birthday and angel anniversary are just a week apart. I should be with Evan talking about his birthday party. I wonder what theme would he choose and who he would want to invite. Nate and I try to guess what he would be into right about now. My guess is Star Wars. I can only pretend...

This year we are discussing what we should do to honor him. The thought of "celebrating" his birthday is just a stab through my heart. After all, we get to spend Evan's 8th birthday in a cemetery. In everything that we have been through in 2 years Nate and I just don't know if we have the emotional energy. Maybe we should celebrate his 2nd year in Heaven.

Today my husband gave me the most wonderful present. The Mother's Day before Evan passed away he and I spent hours planting flowers. I set the flowers where they were to be planted and Evan dug the holes. He would say to me. "Is this deep enough mom?" He said in his Kindergarten Graduation letter that he wanted to spend the summer planting flowers with his mom. I will always cherish that day! Anyway, later that fall it was time to pull the flowers most of which had died. Nate brought several of the petunia's in the house and I stuck them in a book and forgot about them. Well this year Nate retrieved them and had them preserved in a frame for me! I was so surprised and thankful to my husband for giving such a wonderful gift from Evan! It was absolutely perfect!

I spent most of the day just hugging and loving my little boys! I am so thankful to God that I am a mommy.

Happy Mother's Day!