A Hard Lesson Learned

What I have learned from the tragic death of our son...

Bad things really can happen to my family

Time will NOT heal this gaping hole in my heart

Crying everyday is part of my life and that's okay

Grave blankets come in "child size"

Headstones are covered under home owners insurance

That children really can die for no apparent reason

That the coroner and medical examiner aren't the same

To lean on my husband (I am so lucky to have him)

The bond between siblings is unlike any other ( I believe that Noah has a special connection to Evan that we don't)

That a band aid or a kiss won't make Noah's pain any better

I love my sister more than I ever knew

This isn't a dream and I'm not going to wake up

Sleep is overrated

Coffee is a good thing

Life is precious and can be taken away at any moment

We may never know how or why Evan was taken from us

My friends are such a blessing in my life

Grief has many side effects (Hair loss, weight changes, anxiety)

Finding true happiness is a daily struggle

Behind every smile is a fountain of tears

Sitting in the cemetery and pleading for God to send him back doesn't work

It's the things I don't expect that are the hardest

Don't sweat the small stuff

People can and will cause us more pain even after suffering the loss of our son

Sitting in the cemetery in the dark is not scary

I have been referred to as "that mom"

I am no longer scared of dying

That life is NOT fair (Child abusers get to keep their children)

Losing a child is a life sentence

To trust in God and know that He is always there for me!

A Special Gift From Far Away...

When I became pregnant with Chase I joined a "Due in January" message board on Cafemom. I have met so many wonderful women who have been such a wonderful support. Last month some of the girls decided to do a book exchange for our babies. We set a $5 price limit and mailed our books. I received the book I'll Love You Forever and another book of manners for Chase. I'll Love You Forever means so much to us as the poem is inscribed on the back of Evan''s headstone. When I found out that Evan was a boy I bought the book and wrote a special message inside. I used to sing the poem to him quite often. Evan and Noah both have a copy and I have been meaning to buy one for Chase, but it has proved to be an emotionally challenging task. I am so grateful that it was just sent in the mail! Now Chase has his very own copy...

A few days later I received the book, Mommy Please Don't Cry...There Are No Tears In Heaven, from the same girl. This is truly one of the sweetest books I have ever read! I am always looking for reassurance that Evan is okay and this book certainly brings some much needed affirmation. Sometimes it is the simplest things in life that bring a smile to my face. A complete stranger from far away decided to do something to make my day a little brighter. It means so much!


Thank you so much Nikki!