Thursday, March 24, 2011

Oh The Places We'll Go....

Upon reading my blog one could think that I tend to dwell or be stuck in my so-called life, as my ramblings are surely so depressing. Well this IS my life! We are living this life of grief while trying to pick up the pieces and attempt to put them back together, fully knowing that the puzzle will never be whole again.

Lately the weather has been so beautiful! On Sunday morning we asked Noah what he wanted to do expecting to journey off to the zoo or the park. He calmly stated that he wanted to go the the cemetery and have lunch with Evan. How sad is it that my sweet 5-year old suggested going "to the cemetery" to have lunch with his brother? I will never get used to this and his words nearly sent me into a frenzy of tears. I just wanted to scream "this is not fair!" But we gladly indulged his desire and headed off to see Evan with a quick stop at McDonald's first. We also needed to decorate Evan's headstone for Easter. So instead of obsessing over the matching outfits my boys should be wearing for the holiday, decorating at the cemetery is what we got to do instead.

So here is a photo of my three little boys together. I would much rather have their picture taken at a beach or a park, but due to this life of grief this is all I get!

As you can probably tell it has been a hard couple of days full of tantrums and tears on my part!


Delenn said...


I do like that he wanted to spend time with his brother. And the decorations are wonderful.

jillianw04 said...

I love you. This sucks! I'm glad you're my friend. You may be sentenced to a pain you don't want, but your amazing beauty is still winning out over the grief. All moms would say that this situation would destroy them. You are proof that while it seriously sucks big are not destroyed. Yesterday I saw you look at Chase and full out laugh and his eyes were focused completely on you...laughing because his mama was laughing. You are one of God's most amazing creations. I'm so lucky to have you in this crazy life.

Anonymous said...

Your blog is not drepessing. It is a loving Mother's tribute to her son taken away from his family and the world way too soon.
It is a reminder of the legacy that Evan leaves behind. That he has left a definite mark on this world and will never be forgotten.
You are doing a fantastic job as a Mother. As much as you wouldn't have wanted Noah to ask to spend time in a cemetry it's great that Evan still plays a big and positive part of Noah's life. They will always be brothers and the bond they shared will be what brings Noah comfort and guidance through life's journey.
You are amazing. I admire your honesty and I am awed by your strength. Through your example, I remember to love and cherish every moment that I have with my children. I know that if I knew you in real life I would be honored to call you a friend and your advice would be something I would treasure.
Remember to look after yourself as much as you are taking care of your family. Don't be too hard on yourself, I think you are doing the best you can with the circumstances you find yourself in!!! Hugs!!

Daven said...

Thank you for all the wonderful comments! It certainly brightens my day to know that Evan makes a difference!!!

"While we try and teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about."