Lately it seems that other people around me have shared how losing Evan has made a difference in their lives. I often live in my own, dark, cold, world of grief and despair that I sometimes fail to recognize the impact we have on others. I want so desperately to know that Evan is still working and making a difference from Heaven.
A few weeks ago a VERY dear friend of mine and her husband were baptized! I cannot tell you enough how this touched my life! Evan's passing was a big part in her journey to Christ as she searched for healing and understanding by leaning on the Lord. I am so blessed to have such an awesome friend and to know that Evan took part in leading her down her spiritual path which led to a relationship with Jesus Christ. I am so honored to have been a part of this!
It has been more than two and a half years since Evan passed away. By the grace of God we grow stronger each day. Lately it has been on my mind to tell people how God has worked in our lives after Evan's death. In those first few terrifying months God was so close we could almost reach out and touch him! He was right by our side understanding our pain and grieving right along with us. Our stories are endless. I am so blessed to have such a loving God watching out for me as I am truly so undeserving. I just want to show everyone the power of God's influence in our life and that we are living proof that He is also a faithful God. God doesn't promise us a life of constant glory, but He does promise to walk beside us and carry us through the darkest of times.
I can see God's hand in areas of my life many years ago that were steps in preparing me for the tragedy we have endured. God knew that Nathan and I were going to lose Evan before he was even born. I found Christ through having Evan and thus began the journey to faith that would be tested to enormous strengths. God put people in our lives that He knew would help in the midst of darkness. We found out that we were pregnant with Evan on a Sunday morning. Nate and I looked at each other in excitement and we headed off to church for the first time. Yes! The day we found out that Evan was coming began our journey of faith. I could seriously go on and on....
People often tell me how strong I am. I know that I have mentioned this before but I am not strong at all. God provides me with the strength I need and I owe everything to Him. I want to make more out of Evan's death. I especially want non-believers to hear our story of loss and faith so that maybe they will be impacted to seek a relationship with Christ. I want people to hear how God has worked in or lives! I need for Evan's death to have a spiritual purpose.
I firmly believe everything that happens in life is just a part of God's bigger plan. I certainly don't understand is all and some things I know that I am not meant to know. I just have to have faith and trust that God will guide me down the path set for me.
In this you greatly rejoice, and then now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire may prove genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 1 Peter 1:6-7 (NIV)