Thursday, May 28, 2009

When Our World Changed Forever

Part 1

Many have already asked me if I was planning on writing about Evan's death. Well, knowing what a difficult endeavor this could be, I figured at least I would start before the 1st anniversary.
I think it is certainly important to talk about the Friday evening before he passed away.

I got him off the bus at 4:00 as usual and took him to a friends house to play. Nate picked him up after he got off work. My mother stopped by with her sister who was in town from Oregon. Evan of course begged my mom to go with her to spend the night. In six years, my mother never told Evan "no" about anything. On this evening she said no and that Evan could go spend the night on Sunday or later that week.

We had dinner as usual. Evan ate pork tenderloin and asparagus, his favorite vegetable. Weird,I know. At dinner, we were discussing the fact that Evan had a T-ball game the next morning. He was really happy about that. After dinner, I gave the boys their baths. We then settled down to watch the Cardinals game on TV. Out of nowhere, Evan began crying. This was not wining or moaning, this was full blown crying. Those who knew Evan would tell you that he never cried about anything. He was usually a content child that never got upset at little things. Evan was hysterical about T-ball. Nate and I looked at each other with amazement. Earlier, he was excited about his game in the morning, and all of a sudden he didn't want to play anymore. He was running a low grade fever and had a cough, so I attributed this to him not feeling well. He continued crying, saying how he was not any good at t-ball and that he didn't want to play anymore. He was also rambling other things that really didn't make sense. We went ahead and put Noah to bed. I sat on the couch and Evan layed across my lap. Nate sat by us and we both spent about an hour telling him how proud of him we were and how much we loved him. I specifically remember Nate saying, "Buddy, we don't care if you're any good at t-ball, we just want to see you have fun." We spent so much time telling him we loved him. I sat there and hugged him tight and wiped away his little tears. I looked down at him and said, "Let's go to bed a pray for Jesus to give you courage to play t-ball." So, we got up and Evan gave Nate a kiss and a hug. We then headed upstairs. Evan even asked if I would carry him up the stairs. This was the first time in a long time that I carried him anywhere! We got to his room and he climbed in bed. I tucked him in and we prayed together. I said to Evan, "Goodnight sweetheart, I love you". He said "I love you too mom." This was the last time I ever heard his little voice. Little did we know that we would never again hold him or talk to him.

We had a pretty severe storm that evening. After putting Evan to bed, we sat in the sun room and watched the sky filled with reds, purples, and blues. I remember telling Nate just how beautiful the sky looked. Shortly after, the power went out. I remember it getting hot in the house and Evan's coughing had gotten worse. I gave him cough medicine around midnight. He sat up, took the medicine, and went right back down. That was the last time I saw his little face while he was alive.

After losing Evan, I look back at this night in amazement. What a gift from God! The evening was just so out of the ordinary. It wasn't normal for Evan to be so emotional. I now realize that we were given the chance to say goodbye to Evan and we didn't even know it. Our last moments were filled with hugs, kisses,and prayers.


Erica said...

Oh my. Thank you for sharing this intimate story.

Delenn said...

Thank you for sharing this painful story.

Kim said...

On May 28th, we acknowledged the second anniversary of our son's death. I just want you to know that that you are not alone. Tell your story to all that will listen, again, again, and again. I look towards those that have been traveling this road longer than I and take comfort in that they have survived. Last Thursday, we invited friends over to eat chocolate cake with us, David's favorite, and we told stories of how much we missed him and how much we loved him. It helped, it helped us get through another day. Hugs to you from another mom who misses her dear son.

"While we try and teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about."