Thursday, July 9, 2009

The Veil

As we get farther away from the day Evan became and angel, the more we are enjoying the things that we once did. Now that Summer is here, we are doing lots of fun summer activities with Noah.

We attended a 4th of July party over the weekend. Noah loved the fireworks! This is a good example of how we really try and have a good time with family and friends. We are getting to the point of actually starting to enjoy life again. While driving home, Nate and I discussed how we walk around with veils on our heads covering the pain and sadness in our hearts. We put on our happy faces and go out into the world. This only lasts so long before we hit a breaking point. We can only wear the veil for so long and then the time comes to take it off. For me, this usually means days of meltdowns. While the sadness and emptiness is always with us, we are learning to focus on the positive aspects of life. We still have so many blessings to be thankful for.

After a day distraction and fun the immense guilt creeps in. We don't get to do anything with Evan ever again. As time goes by it does seem like we wear our veils less and less, but they are still there. Our child died so how do we learn to live again? Slowly, we are learning to create a "new" normal for our life. While we will never stop missing Evan and the pain will always be there. I hope that someday the veils will disappear.

No comments:

"While we try and teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about."