Saturday, October 31, 2009


Today has certainly been a challenging day as well as trick or treating last night. It is just another example of continuing to live without Evan and all the life experiences we will miss with him. Evan absolutely loved Halloween. He loved to dress up! I used to say that everyday was Halloween in our house because the boys always played dress up, mostly in Superhero costumes.

Times like these are emotionally draining. Last night, the tears came when I was getting Noah ready to go trick or treating. I should have been getting two little boys ready to go. I kept wondering what costume Evan would have chosen. What Superhero would he be into now? His favorite costumes were his Spiderman costumes! He loved the red and the black. As much as I didn't want to let it go, we tucked his red one in his little casket and buried it with him. We thought he needed it more than we did. I will never again get to see Evan dressed up and ready for Halloween.

While these times can be filled with emptiness and pain, Nate and I are just so grateful to still have Noah to do these things with! While Evan is no longer here on earth with us, we still owe it to Noah to give him everything we have and to make his experiences wonderful. However, it breaks my heart for Noah not to have Evan by his side. I live with this thought everyday.

Halloween used to be such a great holiday for our family. We would begin thinking about costumes in August! The month of October was filled with lots of fun activities and trips to the "BOO at the Zoo" or Eckerts Fall Festival. Now, some of the things associated with Halloween such skeletons or headstones bring nothing but pain. This is the first of the big holidays we have to get through this year.

Here are some Halloween pictures of the previous years. In Evan's case, these pictures are all I have to hold on to...

Evan's 1st Halloween

This Halloween was my favorite! Evan wanted to be a pirate and was so insistent upon Noah being a parrot! He told me that "a pirate has to have a parrot!" So I spent hours cutting, stitching, and gluing felt into wings. Evan always came up with the cute ideas!

This was our last Halloween with Evan...

1 comment:

Kim Living Life said...

So sorry that there are still those days that bring back the oh so painful memories. I don't think we ever forget but maybe the pain just gets easier to carry somehow, I don't know that is what people have told me. I think people just say whatever they think they have to to try and make us feel better. so I have no words to ease the pain, but I do know how you feel and I am so sorry for you.

"While we try and teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about."