Thursday, October 14, 2010

My Long Lost Passions

Okay, I admit to being a super lazy blogger lately! I can attribute this to..........uuumm.........still thinking.........or just plain lack of motivation! UGH....

Before Evan passed away I thought of myself as a crafty queen. In essence I LOVED crafts! I loved scrapbooking, painting, and just merely creating things unique. Scrapbooking was where my first and greatest passion was. I was always up to date on just about everything that related to Evan and Noah. I have beautiful books that have become so terribly painful to just sit and look at. It is almost like looking at pictures of someone else's family. The smiles on everyone's face is priceless and I cannot even begin to have that feeling now. Everyone in the photos looks SO happy and on top of the world. That feeling doesn't exist in our world anymore. Don't get me wrong, we still feel happiness but it is certainly scarce. I also despise taking photos and I do it just to get it done. A dear friend of mine set up a scrapbooking week in September. Needless to say this was the first time I sat and attempted to scrapbook. It literally took everything in me to put two pages together and that was on day four! Nonetheless those pages were completed!

I also loved to make baby names for nursery's. I could make them match any theme or decor and they turned out so cute! I just recently completed a set for the same dear friend and I felt such a great sense of accomplishment! In my world it is easy to feel worthless because everything takes so much effort to do and sometimes I just don't get things done. Emotions play such a big part in this.

I am slowly learning that my passion for the things that I once loved is hard to come by. I find myself struggling to find happiness in my past endeavors. As we have learned to create a "new normal" in life I think I need to find new passions!


Kairos said...

Hope you find something to do in place of scrapbooking or maybe the passion will come back with time.

I think this is partially why I'm so obsessed with knitting. I picked up knitting after Drew died and so it has no association with times before. It is also more portable than my ceramics hobby.

MPWife 153 (Heather) said...

You just described ME! I was so far behind on Robert's scrapbook before he died & even on my daughter's (who is 6 now & I don't think I have a full year put together for her ~ pages here & there, but a completed book - nope)

A week or so ago I went back to scrapping. I finally made the little shadow box with Robert's first booties. I also got back to work on his birth album. I only managed to complete 2 8x8 pages, but it felt good afterwards.

I found I have "lost myself" in grief. Even with the right combination of meds, it was hard to get back to being OK with doing something for me, that made me happy. It is still difficult sometimes, but that little bit of ME time helps me.

Keep up the crafting! (((hugs)))

"While we try and teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about."