I Shall Believe!

Yes, the holidays are coming upon us. For parents who have lost a child this typically means lots of tears, heartache, sadness, envy, despair, and whatever horrible feeling one could have. This year as I already see the decor overwhelming the stores I am determined not to feel sad! I keep telling myself that it has to get better and that Evan gets to spend Christmas with Jesus Christ himself. That is truly amazing!

Each time I walk into a store I find myself looking for items to decorate Evan's headstone with. I am searching for a big plastic Santa that can withstand the implementing weather conditions. I also mentioned to Nate that we should decorate the outside of the house this year. We have always done it big in the past and have not since Evan died. That is one of our goals this year! For now I am working on manipulating my brain into believing!

I am going to get excited about the holidays!

I am going to get excited about the holidays!

I am going to get excited about the holidays!

I am going to get excited about the holidays!


Do you think if I say this to myself enough times I might actually start to believe it?