On The Edge

This picture deeply touches my heart. It has been so long since I have held my sweet Evan in my arms. My emotional state has taken a drastic turn from being somewhat strong to plunging off the cliff into a sea of tears. I knew this would happen the closer we got to Evan's birthday and the anniverary of his death. Earlier today I just sat in the cemetery and cried. The damn has officially broken. I just wanted to be close to him. I also let out some choice words about losing my precious little boy. It has been almost three years and my heart hurts more and more each day. I am truly just sitting in my own self pity. Nate is so strong and seems to have peace about Evan being in Heaven. I know that he is in Heaven but he should be here in MY arms. It is just not fair!

I want to hold him and touch his soft little skin. I want to wipe away his tears when he gets hurt. I want to ease his fears when he is scared. I want to listen to him complain about doing his homework. I want to see the smile on his face and light in his eyes when he achieves his goals. I want to see him drive his first car or walk across the stage with a diploma in his hand. I want to see the puppy dog look in his eyes when he falls in love. I want to see him teach his children all about Jesus. I can only dream.

I love you sweetheart...

Note to self....Stock up on tissues! There is a reason why toilet paper is for the "other" end.