Mother's Day

I have truly been dreading Mother's Day for quite sometime. I think just the anticipation of my first Mother's Day without Evan was enough to cause anxiety. Last week Nathan asked me what I wanted to do on Mother's Day. Just that question alone was enough to start the tears flowing. After the dedication at Evan's school, I decided that I wanted to plant a tree in our yard for Evan. So, that is what we did. We planted a flowering cherry tree in our front yard. On this day I did not want to be honored, but instead honor Evan. So after bringing this extremely heavy tree home, we dug the hole, and planted our tree. We also wanted to make this special for Noah by involving him. So after digging the hole, Noah jumped in! That was his part in planting the tree!!

I also planted flowers. You may now be asking why this is relevant. Well, last year at this time I planted my burm full of petunia's, as I do every year. Evan walked up to me last year and asked if he could help. I graciously accepted his offer. At the time, I was wondering why he choose to help me instead of riding his bike or playing with friends. Anyway, Evan and I spent 2-3 hours planting flowers. He would dig a hole and ask, "is it deep enough yet mom?". He always wanted everything to be just right. He stayed by my side faithfully until all of the flowers were planted.

Evan was suppose to graduate Kindergarten on Monday, June 2nd of last year. He passed away just two days before. Nate and I attended the little ceremony that was held. During the ceremony, the Kindergartners were asked to read what they wanted to do that summer. Evan said that he wanted to plant flowers! This is something that I will hold in my heart forever. We were getting ready to go to Disney World in June and of all the things he wanted to do, was plant flowers. How awesome is that! I still cannot believe such a simple thing made such an impression to a 6-year old. Sometimes in life we take the small things for granted. It doesn't take much to reach the heart of a small child. Planting flowers with me was very special to Evan and I will hold that dear to me forever.

So, today I planted flowers. Yes, it was extremely bittersweet. I did not have Evan by my side this time. Although I have been anxious about this day coming, I actually had a sense of peace. I planted my flowers thinking of Evan every step of they way. I know that no matter what I do or where I go, Evan is always with me.

On this day, I also focused on how incredibly blessed I am to be a mommy! Noah just kept me going all day. He is just so full of energy and giggles that one cannot help but to smile. Thank you God for my precious children!

"Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever."